Stasi: Chris Christie's bridge scandal should remind him politicians are ...

The New Jersey governor, whose ego is as big as his appetite, said that until he saw Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich's picture on television, 'I couldn't have picked him out of a lineup.' Who is Sokolich? Snookie? Mel Evans/AP

New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, the man who became America's Governor after Hurricane Sandy the way that Rudy Giuliani became America's Mayor after 9/11, is about to fall even faster from grace than Giuliani.

Just because he looks like a teddy bear doesn't mean he's not a killer whale. Just because he talks straight doesn't mean he's not crooked. Just because he'd rather talk a marathon than run one doesn't mean he's not as fast on his feet as the skinny pols we all know and hate.

I'm talking about that big fat liar, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie, who this week got himself caught in a massive jam - of the traffic kind - orchestrated, he swears, without his knowledge, against Fort Lee Mayor Mark Sokolich.

If you believe that, maybe you'd like to see this bridge I have for sale.

Christie, the man who became America's Governor after Hurricane Sandy the way that Rudy Giuliani became America's Mayor after 9/11, is about to fall even faster from grace than Giuliani did after people got disgusted at how he milked 9/11 like a prize cow. Christie stands a chance of going down big-time because he's a liar, even about the small stuff.

Take the mea not-culpa press conference he held, which was longer than Ted Cruz's talking bender on the Senate floor. (Is it over yet?)

It started off well enough - and seriously, at first even I was pulling for him. I mean how can you hate a guy who beat the odds by overeating through the pain of the lap band?

So, yes, I thought it was possible Christie didn't know about the dumbest bit of Jersey-style retribution since Bobby Bacala Sr. whacked Mustang Sally and then promptly dropped dead.

Maybe it was even possible that Christie hadn't orchestrated Bridgegate (how a bridge can be a gate, I don't know), and maybe somehow he hadn't noticed the four-day gridlock from Fort Lee onto the GWB. Why could that be possible? Because alerting Gov. Christie to a traffic jam on the GWB would make as much sense as alerting Gov. Cuomo to a jam on the Van Wyck. Somethings just always are.

But then, because Christie's ego is as big as his appetite, he couldn't stop while he was ahead and said, '... until I saw (Mayor Sokolich's) picture on television, I couldn't have picked him out of a lineup.'

Lineup? Who is he? Snookie?

SO LONG, TOUGH GUY - CHRISTIE EXPOSED

Worse, he expects us to believe that the governor of New Jersey doesn't know what the mayor of Fort Lee looks like? Hello? This is a guy who recognizes (because he hit them up for and got endorsements from) obscure pols like Teaneck councilman Yitz Stern and Dover town Alderman Michelle Yzarnotegui.

Bottom line? Either Christie's a liar or he never got the memo about how politicians usually don't get done in by the crime, but always get destroyed by the coverup.

Somewhere Hillary Clinton is making a giant novena of thanks.

TASTES LIKE BEEF

With any luck, traitor and has-been basketball player Dennis Rodman didn't eat the Gopchang on his latest trip to North Korea. If he did, he might have been eating the leftovers of Uncle Jang, the Beloved Leader's former beloved relative.

Reports surfaced recently that Rodman's BFF/FBF (Fat Bastard Friend) Kim Jong-Un had his uncle eaten alive by a pack of hungry dogs.

DENNIS RODMAN: 'SORRY, I WAS DRUNK'

Although those reports are now being called a hoax, it wasn't so out-there that the worldwide media didn't all run with the story, nor so horrific that Rodman considered canceling his trip with former NBAers who went there to throw a game against the North Koreans.

The feed-uncle-to-the-dogs story first supposedly appeared as a goof on a satirical Chinese website. Those commies sure how to make us laugh - who doesn't chuckle out loud just thinking about starving dogs devouring old men.

Meanwhile, Rodman sang 'Happy Birthday Mr. President' like Marilyn Monroe in man drag. Then the moronic traitor nauseatingly bowed before the fat pig with the bad haircut.

Hurl Before Swine.

JUSTICE IS BLINDSIDED

Scratch up another two messes for Preet Bharara, U.S. attorney for the Southern District of New York. In one week, the JP Morgan bums who undermined the economy for their personal greed, causing people to lose their homes, got off without being charged, while their company paid only $2.6 billion for its role in the $18 billion Bernie Madoff scam. If that wasn't bad enough, on Thursday, Bharara indicted the Indian diplomat he'd shamefully arrested in front of her kid's school for underpaying her maid, even though he thought she'd already headed back to India. Wrong. Devyani Khobragade didn't board a plane until later that evening. With her newly minted diplomatic immunity.

EXPRESS LINES

Cruel and inhuman: The city wants to ban well-cared-for carriage horses because of cruelty to animals, but these same do-gooders don't consider modern-day pedicab coolies who peddle tourists around in the freezing cold and blistering heat cruelty to humans?

Makes no Sensa: So now they tell us that Sensa doesn't work? That's why I lost as much weight by forgetting to use it as my friends lost by using it: None.

Worth their wait: Wondering why senators didn't care that millions of people went without pay during the imposed government shutdown? Here's why: The average U.S. senator's worth $2.7 million, while the last census put the average U.S. family's net worth at $68,828. Let them eat cronuts!

GOLDEN BRASS

Tonight, the Hollywood Foreign Press Association once again pulls off a bigger scam than Bernie Madoff could have dreamed up, when its entire membership of 89 freeloading freelancers who work at media outlets no one's ever heard of in countries that couldn't care less about the Golden Globes get millions of people to watch a telecast that costs tens of millions to produce to showcase awards that are given out freely to whoever is freest with the gifts.

IN NEW BIOGRAPHY, ROGER AILES DUMPS ON CONSERVATIVE DARLINGS GOV. CHRIS CHRISTIE, MITT ROMNEY, SEAN HANNITY AND MORE

MAKING HISTORY

In the upcoming unauthorized biography of Fox News boss, Roger Ailes, he allegedly calls his biggest money maker, Bill O'Reilly, 'a book salesman with a TV show.' Within days of the diss, Ailes announced he wanted to launch a new History Channel with historian O'Reilly in the catbird seat. That's one way to make that dopey remark become history but quick.

FORK IT OVER

Mayor Bill de Blasio wasn't being an elitist by eating his pizza with a fork and knife. I do, too. Why? Because that's what my grandfather from Italy taught me to do. He said that even pizza should be treated with reverence. I'd worship at the shrine of Margherita any day.